Update.

It feels as though I haven't written in a while.

I saw the lovely movie Juno, and I must say I was very impressed and liked it a lot. Instead of buying popcorn, my friend Erika and I snuck in two chocolate vegan muffins and little bottles of soy milk.

A few days ago I was laying on my bed and realized how freshman year my art teacher said I couldn't draw. So I pulled out my drawing pencils and my old sketchbook and I'm teaching myself (with the help of an old drawing book) how to draw the human body. I am probably getting ahead of myself, but oh well.

There is a movie coming out about how after 9/11 security in America has been thought to invade people's privacy. The movie is about how there are 30 million surveillance cameras around the United States and the average American is recorded (by surveillance cameras) over 200 times a day. And don't even get me started- of course they're listening into your damn phone conversations (I'm sorry if I offended you by saying the word "damn", I just needed some emphasis- I'm usually not one for saying such intense words but...yeah). ANYWAY, I'm interested in seeing that movie.

Jamie: Lindsay if you had to get married tomorrow who would be in your wedding?
Me: Well, you, Marilyn, Betsy, Emily, and Chloe. And Logan would walk me down the aisle.
Alek: And no need in asking who you'd marry, because we already know that.

Ha! I'm sorry my update wasn't toooooo informative. Anyway I'm looking forward to a new year, but then again clutching onto 2007.

Become addicted to constant and never ending self improvement.

I am really sick.
I probably can't elaborate too much without people being grossed out, but I've never felt this way before.

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.

Today is Christmas, and it was a little different from what it has been in the past. Nevertheless it's in remembrance of Jesus (which I am constantly reminding myself).

I got a lot of great practical gifts. Though I must say I got the best gift from my friend, mostly because I couldn't believe he said this. In the box there was a card, and out floated a letter and it says:

"Lindsay,
First of all I want to say the cliche things of the Christmas season. Merry Christmas! Enjoy the season! Have an excellent 2008! But now I want to share some more personal thought. This past year has been crazy, and without you it would have been extremely difficult. I layed out everything on the table, because you're my friend and you have a right to know. There were so many instances where I wanted to give up, or I didn't know what to do, but you felt different. You helped me through the worst time of my life. At times I might have been frustrated, but I was normally in the wrong. You are truly the greatest friend anyone could have, and I'm glad I have a friend like you. I love you so much, and I pray our friendship will last forever. You are truly an amazing person and people need someone like you! You have so much going for you in 2008, and I hope we can share it together."

In the box was a silk dress! YES A SILK DRESS!


Merry Christmas everyone.

I know you don't mean for it.

Why is it that the people that love you the most, and you love the most, hurt you the most? No, no, no. I refuse to be emotionally yours.

Hey Mr. Tamberine Man

I had a gift card that I needed to use up at Borders, so today I bought three books.
I started one and it's very good, and I'm hoping to finish it by the end of this upcoming week.
I got the Bob Dylan scrapbook that was originally $50.00, but I got it for $10.00. It's so interesting! And has copies of his lyrics, and I got a bonus c.d with interviews with Bob Dylan.

Body Snatchers.

I am gone.

Sleep.

Sometimes sleeping forever would be tasteful.

Austen and Dickenson

I think I would get a long with Jane Austen and Emily Dickenson.

My friend Betsy helped me study for my math final. She's so patient.
I've come to conclusion that someone made up math and science and thought that it made universal sense because it made sense to them.
Excuse me but- NO...NO it doesn't!


I suck at writing, yet I want to be a writer. I'm getting sick of my literature class because we analyze so much. Why can't we just accept things in their purest form, some things aren't meant to be analyzed- because sometimes they lose their meaning. Then again sometimes they gain meaning.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

I just finished my Spanish final.
And for some odd reason I am feeling awfully feministic (is that a word?).

Maybe I'm apathetic, or just confident in myself that I'll do well- but I didn't stress out for finals this year. I'm attentive in class, I take notes, study, I ask for help when I don't understand, and as a result I have a substantial gpa. I studied for finals for about an hour and a half. Some of my friends didn't go to bed until 1:00a.m. I came home yesterday- watched the marathon of Law & Order SVU, took a nap, babysat, studied, read the bible, and went to bed.

Perhaps it's not just me. The girl on my right is sending a long massive e-mail to her friend. And the girl on my left is playing tetris.

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.

Today's title seems fitting.
My dog Sugar does this really interesting thing every time I fall asleep. I can feel her head lay on my heart. It's like she is listening to my beat to make sure I am alive.


Crazy random thoughts:
Sometimes I listen to Elton John and I just go crazy. Crazy is the only way to put it, it seems. I get so giddy. On a side note- I am going to Florida in early January, it should be nice to get a way from a while.

And lately I've been feeling like the word "love" is thrown around too much. I am guilty of it too, but I just can't tell when someone sincerely love me, or if they say it freely like the words "hello", "hey", or "goodbye"?

Back to your heart.

I'm obsessed with "Love Like This" by: Natasha Bedingfield.
It could be the beat, lyrics, or Natasha Bedingfield's voice?
I don't know, I just like it a lot.
Oh yeah, and I like "Stronger" by: Kanye West.
Perhaps I'm finally getting in touch with my heritage...?
That's all I can say right now, because I have an immense amount of homework; and I've got to talk to God about my problems ha, so blunt.

Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance.

I cannot force myself to write tonight.
Too many bizzare emotions.
I just need a listener, someone who genuinely wants to listen and won't judge me.

We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch.

I do not know what to write.

Now that this semester is coming to a close, I am finished with reading required books for my classes, mainly my literature honors class. I've decided that the good thing about a book in comparison to a computer screen is that you can take it to bed with you. I curl up in my bed with my dog Sugar and read until I fall asleep. If there's anything I cannot live without in my life it's my God, my books, my Sugar, my family, and my cup of holiday tea.



Hmmmm, I don't know what's been on my mind lately. I'm trying to start a new chapter in a certain area of my life.
Starting fresh is hard, it's not like I can have a fresh mind. If I remember being hurt, sad, or upset, I most likely will not forget that. I don't know. In the same sense, I don't want to forget it, because then how could I start fresh?

Ah, I'm glad life makes so much sense.
(sarcasm)

The most successful people are those who are good at plan B.

I am going to a wedding tomorrow.
I love weddings, they're always so beautiful; except their gift wishlist is awfully demanding.


Tomorrow's blog with be better than today's, I'm sorry but I am very tired.
I have started to read another one of Mitch Albom's books called, "The Five People You Meet in Heaven".

In the book there is this really good quote, "Holding anger is a poison...It eats you from inside...We think that by hating someone we hurt them...But hatred is a curved blade...and the harm we do to others...we also do to ourselves..."

Now is that good, or is it good?
Night'

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

Currently playing: "Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting" by: Elton John.

Ah, listening to Sir Elton John takes me back to that glorious day where I was in section 18 listening to him pound on the piano keys and spit into the microphone. You will probably find me ridiculous for saying this, but sometimes I feel that if I knew Elton John he would understand me and we'd get along and find each other to be great friends. Out of all the shows/concerts I've been to, I have to say Elton John is my favorite.

I have been thinking about many things lately, trying not to regret anything because I am a strong believer in "everything happens for a purpose", but I feel as though my heart is wax and has melted within me.

I have a close friend who is leaving in a couple months to peruse music. Please pray for him, and me...Mostly him though. He has always been a shoulder to lean on, and I am nervous to let him go. Though I am not really letting him go, eh- I don't know. This sounds selfish. I am just afraid, that's all I can really say.




I love.
( I didn't mean to say anything after that, "I love" covers everything quite well and the period finishes it)

Being human in itself is difficult, and therefore all kinds of settlements (except dream cities) have problems.

I have the weirdest feeling right now.
I almost feel like I am going to throw up.

Today I had a snow day. Having a snow day took me back to the days where I would sit in front of the t.v when I was little waiting for "Westside Community Schools" to come across the bottom of the screen.

I got something accomplished! I wrote two letters and I am planning on mailing them tomorrow. I guess I should be working on my Literature assignment, but I...don't want to? What a horrible excuse.

I'm not one for horoscopes because, constellations aren't accurate; and I don't rely on a formation of stars in the shape of a fish to predict my future. Except sometimes I find them fun to read, and today my horoscope says:

"You are playful and direct. Others get a strong sense of who you are on many levels. Listen to your inner voice, and you'll get the results you desire. You have a lot to be happy about. Relax and let it happen."

Boy, oh boy.
I'm sorry I disappointed you with a stupid entry today. I might just be talking to myself.

If Grace Is A Sea, Then We're Sinking

Today I have been thinking of taking up playing piano.
I listen to all of these beautiful songs and I can't help but (attempt to) mock and play air piano (instead of air guitar, "air piano").
Last night Alek played "Moonlight Sonata" by: Beethoven to sell me to the piano. And today I've been listening to Yann Tiersen on repeat.

I wonder why Beethoven wrote "Moonlight Sonata". When you listen to it, it sounds as if he was deeply emotional. Personally, it sounds slightly depressing, but it's still incredibly beautiful. If you haven't listened to that song, it is definitely worth 6 minutes and 4 seconds of your life. Beethoven was a very depressed man. He drank himself to death, and his liver eventually gave out. Sometimes you can tell how he felt just by the way he would pound on the piano keys with the notes blaring. If there were two people I would be able to meet in the arts history, without a doubt it'd be Edgar Allan Poe and Beethoven.

Edgar Allan Poe is another great story that I will tell some other time.
But I will leave you with one great quote out of a piece of his writing:

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."

The world is but a canvas to the imagination.

The title of today's blog is by: Henry David Thoreau.

Today I didn't do too much, I went to church with my mother. Alek wanted to come so he was our substitute Logan (my brother) for a few hours.

Yesterday I tried my first Chai tea (I know I'm a slacker), it was very, very good! My friend Tyler told me that he'd buy it, and if I liked it I could drink it, and if I didn't then he'd drink it. Well, I liked it so it was mine. I never got around to writing my 8th grade english teacher a letter today, dangit. I guess I could start before I go bed? Yeah? Hmm?

Sometimes I feel like I'm in the eye of a tornado. It's peaceful and quiet. I feel like I'm floating in my thoughts, creativity, and memories that I have had. It's the best place to be in. I feel like I'm my own. Does that make sense? Hell, even if it doesn't I don't care, today I learned that it doesn't have to make sense.
Screw logic!

Goodnight to whoever reads this? Perhaps I am the only one who is reading my thoughts, oh the usual.

Swallowed In The Sea

I am on the phone with Alek and he is telling me how they went shopping today at PacSun and his dad was trying on hats and in all seriousness said "I should get one of these hats" and Alek replied with "you're freaking 50 years old".

Today I'm in this weird train of thought where I am thinking of everyone my age and myself and I came to conclusion that we all just want love and acceptance. Okay, now that that is established what are we going to do about it? We may not like each other and some of the things we do, but bottom line we all want love and to feel cared about. I think it's about time that (me included) it's time to suck up our pride and just love.

God did something really cool today. I've been seeing people in different perspectives, and though I may not agree with with everyone I'm learning about relationships and friendships, and everything is so beautiful. It's times like that when I can feel the beauty of life in its purest form. I am such a sensitive stubborn little girl and have a lot to mature in before I start things in certain areas of my life- but now I'm seeing why God does things in my life. Ha, I look back and kind of chuckle how I thought God had left me. There are also times when I wonder why I don't have a boyfriend, and I've now learned I can't yet have my time be consumed when I still haven't seen all there is to see in this season that God wants me to grow in. I'm not ready to give my time to someone. When someone does come along I want to give them all the time and everything they deserve, but as for now I've got a lot of growing up to do.

Goodnight.

I don't have a soul. I am a Soul. I have a body.

Right now I am currently situated in my science class.
I should probably be doing 'constructive', but I consider this constructive.
The title of this blog is a direct quote from Mr. C.S Lewis himself.

My grandma came home yesterday. She was on a road trip in the midwest by herself visiting relatives. Initially we had a family member die, so she left a few days before Thanksgiving to go to the funeral and be with our family. We all thought she was going to come home in a few days, but she ended up coming home two weeks later. She said she had a really good time. Grandma drove from Omaha, to South Dakota, to North Dakota, to Wyoming. Whatever floats your boat. I told her I missed her, and she said then she'll go on trips more often. Seems strange she'd say that probably, right? My grandma always says little witty things like that, she thinks not many people appreciate her (not truuuue), we all love her to death.
Things like that make me wonder. If you don't feel like anybody cares about you, or loves you, but in reality they do- then does the misconception lie in you?
Sometimes I feel like my grandma, I feel like I have no friends, nobody loves or likes me, I feel extremely lonely. Though I know MANY people do love me, and care about me.

Which makes me wonder- do I love myself?

Until next time,
Lindsay

Unbeing dead isn't being alive.

This is my first blog here at blogspot.
My name is Lindsay Lee, and I am a student at Westside High School.
I guess at least someone will be reading my blogs here from now on.
Let's begin.

Yesterday (12/5/07) there was a shooting massacre at Westroads Mall in the department store called Von Maur. This happened in my city of Omaha, NE; to be more specific, 5-7 minutes away from my house. Today at school only one of my teachers skipped their daily learning schedule to have us all share our opinions/feelings on this tragic event. I guess I didn't really expect all my teachers to talk about it with us, but for some reason I was really affected by what happened. I really needed to talk to someone (at least that's how my feelings felt). Maybe I was being hostile but I was really aggravated how people would walk through the halls laughing, and complaining when this just happened. I don't know- at the same time though, hundreds if not thousands of people die in Darfur daily.

After just analyzing my feelings for a brief moment I suppose what I really mean is that I don't know how to feel.
I want to help.